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Your humble host can be alternatively be found haunting these here tubes under many a different guise; I'd recommend starting your inquest at his usual place of residence. And there's always the Twitter.

The Foolish Day Monday, April 02, 2007

Those of us in the geek-o-sphere know all too well that April 1st is nothing more than that day each year we either completely ignore or irrationally obsess over what the Oracle (Slashdot, that'd be) and all the other - albeit freakin' awesome - morsels of non-truth that invade the tubes have to say for these scary twenty-four hours of worthlessness.

Sure, ThinkGeek's tie is super-cool, but the fact that they're actually going to put it into production lessens it's April-Fools-Joke cred. It's no joke anymore when that one guy at work you can't stand gets all the attention because he comes in wearing it. So I'm here to tell you the story about the best April Fool's joke this side of the party of 1999.

For weeks, Adult Swim has been running spots informing the faithful that none other than the world premiere of the for-wide-release film Colon Movie Film for Theaters was to take place this Sunday, April 1st, at 10:30 on Adult Swim. That'd be the one staring those unimaginably-popular talking detective food items and their lovable pool-owning neighbor. On the cable television channel, mixing the mediums; w.t.f. mate. Of course they already knew the joke was on us, ending the commercials with the line: "Why? Because we're f**king crazy!"

I was in such disbelief I spent a good inebriated thirty minutes Googling the hell out the intarwebs trying to dig up what was really going on. Uncovering nothing, their secret was well-hidden until tonight, and I'm here to share the sheer marketing genius with you.

As flabbergasting as it sounds, they did indeed premiere a film in it's entirety tonight on Adult Swim. Of course, it was in a box that was, percentage-wise, about 1%-by-3% of the entire screen, or even less. Overlaid on the regularly-scheduled program, audio disabled of course. They even interspersed nearly-full-screen ad overlays for the movie every ten minutes or so, the most obnoxious of which had the "Ghost of Christmas Past" robot making sweet love to a 1980s-style rabbit-ear television, complete with full machine-on-machine love sounds drowning out the brilliant Seth McFarlane playing rightfully in the background. True to their word, though, with eyes like an eagle and the ability to lip-read a talking ball of meat you would have indeed enjoyed the entire film.

As I sat squinting painfully, the voice of Farva kept looping in my head: "Ohhhhhohoho, I got you good you fuckers!"

* * *

On an almost-entirely unrelated note: I didn't realize until tonight that, even for a show that is only as funny as those awkward jokes your half-retarded cousin would stutter out, Sealab 2021 has the best damn theme song I've ever heard. The Naked Trucker and T-Bones Show comes damn close though: America's a farmer's daughter, I just can't leave her alone...

* * *

This next foolish day event might still turn out to be a big joke on me, but until it does I'm pretty stoked to be able to announce that a story you read right here first was, surprisingly enough, published in the 365 Tomorrows anthology. A permalink hangs out right here, since by the time you've read this (all one of you), that ever-restrictive fourth dimension will have likely moved on - as it tends to do - and they'll have posted a new story.
Just a note for the curious: Ahoten Sulciphur is none other than a contrived avatar-slash-pen-name I've been hiding behind for a while now.